Just the Five of Us

1.2 Pounds Lost . . .

over THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was thrilled. Giddy when I got off the scale at my WW meeting last night . . . and that hasn't happened in a while.

One of my goals was to make it through the holidays and feel good about the choices I had made. I'm very happy with Thanksgiving. Keys? Got to the gym (must go at least 3-4 times a week), drank lots of water, and changed up the menu.

We had:
roasted turkey with gravy . . . didn't have much gravy
roasted root veggies . . . healthy and filling
apple-bulgar wheat "stuffing" . . . did not make regular stuffing this year. Doug complained for days, but this stuff was SOOOO good and maybe a point or two per serving. Even Jake liked it. The sage made it a hit . . . I realized that when I eat stuffing, it's the flavor of the sage more than anything that I like. This had that flavor was so so healthy.
sweet potatoes . . . don't like so didn't eat
baked apples . . . a yummy dessert that wasn't as point ladden as pie

I did not stuff myself and even had a couple glasses of wine and some hot chocolate later with Cool Whip. And you know what? Thanksgiving was just as delicious and fun without mashed potatoes, stuffing, bread, and pie. Even better with a loss on the scale!

Total Lost to Date: 25 pounds
BMI change: from 38.4 to 34.4
Two sizes down
And a renewed vigor, desire to plan, and sense of accomplishment as I look toward Christmas!

84 Sticks of Butter

Over the summer, I've lost 21 pounds. That's about 84 sticks of butter. At the grocery store today, I took a look at the butter section and felt very proud. I'm about twelve pounds away from my pre-Owen weight. I'm 67 away from my goal, but I try not to think about the size of that number very often.

My BMI has gone from 38.4 to 35. Not a huge drop, but it's going in the right direction. I've gone down at least a size in everything, and my bathing suit looks ridiculously big on me.

Still plagued with back soreness and foot pain. I truly think that will lessen as I lose more than Owen weighs. Since I spend a large part of the day carting him around, it's as if I've only lost about two pounds, given that he's almost 19 pounds himself.

Goals for fall:

• Make healthier food choices. I've come a long way, but I can still get better.
• Get to the gym. Not worry about a set time/day since Owen throws that off, but go when the opportunity arises. I'm going to shoot for at least three times a week and no more until Owen's sleeping through the night.
• Buy candy I don't like for Halloween.
• Not gain during Halloween or Thanksgiving.
• Lose 17 more pounds by December. I'd like to lose more, but I don't want to set an unrealistic goal.
• Continue attending meetings faithfully.

7.4 Pounds Lost

last week. For a total of 13.4. To say I am psyched is an understatement.

I know all weeks won't (and can't) be like that, but for the first time in almost 10 years, the thought that I can do this--can change my lifestyle and reach my goals--is firm and concrete in my brain.

3.4 Pounds

. . . what I gained on vacation.

After losing 11.4 pounds, I gained 3.4 back.

And I didn't beat myself up about it.

That's big for me. For the first time, I saw a gain on the scale and didn't want to eat it away with a bruger and fries. I knew I didn't count points on vacation, and I knew there would be a gain. I didn't think it would be that much . . . but I was proud it wasn't more.

Because even though I didn't track my food, I made better choices. Ice cream twice instead of every day. Fries once. That sort of thing. And I was active, too. Scares me to think of how much I would have gained in the past.

And so now I just get right back on track. I'm expecting a loss this week because I'm working hard for it. And realizing I'm human and that there will be times the scale goes up . . . but over the past two months, it's been continually going down and that's a much better thing to focus on.

A Little Less of Me

Since starting Weight Watchers two weeks ago, I've lost six pounds. 5.6 the first week, and .4 the second. I admit I was a little crestfallen upon hearing only .4, but if you look at the two weeks, it's not bad. Plus about two pounds before that since my back injury, I've lost 8 pounds in the past two months.

In order to keep the loss up, I simply must get to the gym. Every day. Since I'm not ready to put Owen into babysitting, I'm going to go in the evenings. We were going to try to go to the pool in the evenings, but right now, the gym is more important--pool can be for the weekends. So I hope to have lost more than .4 this week. Keeping to the points is not a problem since nursing gives me lots of extra points.

So it's a start.

Changes . . .

Went clothes shopping last night. Well, I wouldn't say shopping, as in my lexicon that has a connotation of being an enjoyable activity. I used to love to shop . . . back in high school, when I was thin. In good shape. My friends and I would prowl the mall . . . I can still see the GAP and the inside of the dressing rooms . . . smell that new clothes smell . . . feel the stringy tightness of the handle on the plastic bags we carried around the mall (and later used to carry our gym clothes). I loved trying clothes on and buying them. I haven't loved that for a long, long time. But I'm ready to love it again. I will love it again . . .

But last night I went out to buy clothes.

I was in desperate need of athletic pants. Since I pretty much live in them, all but one pair had holes in them. And that last pair had been painted on by Doug, so it's my gym pair.

Anyhow.

Do you know how hard it is to find athletic pants? At least for me--all of them were too clingy . . . does no one make affordable (cheap) althetic pants for women who are trying to get into the small stretchy pants but aren't there yet? All of them were capri or cropped, which I didn't necessarily want but ended up with anyway. I finally found two pair after an hour of trying on pair after pair after pair. The good news?

They're not women's sizes. That's big for me--last year I was a 1X in athletic pants. This year, I fit into an XL regular . . . and an L.

Now, I don't really look that great in the L where I'd actually wear them in public, but the point is they fit. They're stretchy as hell, but they fit. And they'll look pretty decent come mid summer after working out for months. They were on sale, so I couldn't pass them up.

So I went to the gym tonight with renewed vigor (in my old pants, alas . . . didn't get the new ones washed yet). For the past ten years (damn it hurts to write that), I've tried time and time again to lose the weight I put on in college. I've gone up and down and stayed at a place I hate. No more. This time, I'm not joining a program or doing a diet . . . I'm changing the way I live. For real. And therefore, the body will change with it.

And I hope so, because I really want to buy clothes.

After Emma was born and I started on this weight loss/life change, I was determined to not buy clothes in bigger--or the same-sizes. Only smaller. After almost a year of reflux, Emma had ruined every single piece of clothing I owned . . . and I was happy to throw it out each time a garment went in the trash. After last summer, I got rid of all my summer clothes . . . I didn't want to be in the same ones this summer. Well, I did keep some shorts . . . on only one income a new wardrobe is not possible, so I had to be somewhat practical. I did it in the fall, too.

The upside to this is that it's working. I haven't bought bigger clothes since my resolution not to. I no longer wear size 2X in shirts (how it pains me to write that) . . . now it's 1X . . . and not for long. I bought three tees last night to wear out and about to errands and activities. I refused to buy more because I will continue to shrink. In a way, it's kind of nice that I can't afford to buy a lot because I'm not tempted to over-stock in a size I'm not going to stay.

In another way, it sucks. As I was walking through Kohl's last night, I realized what a crappy wardrobe I have. I've never been one for trends, but things are getting rough. My coats are ten years old . . . I have only one pair of jeans . . . I have literally nothing for spring. I decided to get a pair of long capris, and I was a sight, a denim pair and a khaki pair in front of me trying to decide which would be more practical since I couldn't afford both. But I wanted both. Because it occured to me that my philosophy of owning the bare minimum to wear as I shrunk wasn't doing much for my self esteem. When I looked like crap, I felt like crap. If I was dressed a slob, I felt like one. I hadn't even planned to buy capris last night, but I wanted to have something to wear on the days I need to "dress up" . . . to feel good about myself . . . because the better I feel about myself, the more inclined I am to take care of myself.

I always thought I was fairly good to myself. Yeah, I didn't exercise enoough and I ate like crap. But I had plenty of "me time." I had my scrapbooking, my reading, my photography . . . all pretty solitary things. Joining MOMS Club and getting out and making friends made me realize how little care I give myself. No haircuts. No make-up. No nice clothes. And so forth and so on. I used to tell myself we couldn't afford it (which is pretty much true). Then I looked at the clothes I'd buy the kids, the toys I'd get for them, the scrapbooking supplies I'd buy myself . . . none of these things made me feel better about myself (well, the scrapbooking supplies a little . . . but you can't wear paper to go out shopping or hang out with friends).

That's going to change. My kids have more than enough to keep them happy, and I'm walking around looking ragged. Not any more. Since I'm not bringing in any money any more, I think I feel guilty spending it on myself. On the kids, fine. On the house, eh . . . okay. Rather spend it on the kids. On scrapbooking and photography . . . well, that's for family! But not on myself. The problem is that I have a propensity for guilt. Feel guilty = eat. Problem. Gotta start being good to myself . . . put the clothes back for Emma or the books for Jake and take that money and buy myself a pair of shoes.

It's a cycle. I look good, I feel good. I feel good, I'm good to myself. And I like being good to myself. I love it. On the treadmill tonight, I actually walked longer because I loved the way the exercise made me feel. I did not, however, love the way it made my knees feel (they've always been bad), so I think I may start alternating between the bike and the treadmill. They also have these elliptical machines that look fun and seem very popular . . . but I'm not very coordinated and I know I'd make an ass out of myself by falling off or something. Maybe someday . . .

My point with this marathon entry? I don't know. Maybe getting some stuff in print that's been in my head for awhile . . . to be truthful to myself and others . . . to make myself be accountable to myself. Jocelyne posted her renewed committment, which was so similar to mine I could have written it myself, and I guess it inspired me to get my own committment in print.